do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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