Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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