I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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