i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
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This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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