i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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