if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
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So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
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He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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