I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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