I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
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