tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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