you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize