Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
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well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
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I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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