It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It's shark week go big or go home
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize