Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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