i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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