i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
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They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
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I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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