He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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