So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
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I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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