This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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