Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize