puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
should my penis look like a turkey
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
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I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
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Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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