dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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