idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
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You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
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I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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