nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
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just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
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We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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