She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
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I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
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She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Damn victory sex feels great
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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