I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
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I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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