My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
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Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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