you win again, gameday.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
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did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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