you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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