3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
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Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Everclear isn't food dammit
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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