dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ttyl tear gas
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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