apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
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