..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
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We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
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That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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