That's when you crack a 10am beer
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
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You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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