i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
We had to coat check the pizza.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
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