Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize