you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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