He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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