you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
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Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize