Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
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this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
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