Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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