so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize