I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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