So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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