btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
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I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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