Texts From Last Night

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  (914): View more from New York

  omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch

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  (914): omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch http://tfl.nu/rn4k
  Replies (26) Good night (530) Bad night (6792) Order T-Shirt
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.

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  (507): As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September. http://tfl.nu/oogz
  Replies (19) Good night (4568) Bad night (583) Order T-Shirt
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low

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  (615): Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low http://tfl.nu/4tyo
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.

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  (519): Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out. http://tfl.nu/jzw3
  Replies (19) Good night (608) Bad night (4281) Order T-Shirt
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.

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  (765): well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too. http://tfl.nu/2o1v
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.

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  (724): after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger. http://tfl.nu/1s95
  Replies (46) Good night (1286) Bad night (15185) Order T-Shirt
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden

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  (513): he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden http://tfl.nu/xsqd
  Replies (14) Good night (5643) Bad night (986) Order T-Shirt
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?

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  (570): Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof? http://tfl.nu/enhx
  Replies (11) Good night (2845) Bad night (633) Order T-Shirt
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo

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  (757): broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo http://tfl.nu/o3pc
  Replies (11) Good night (2017) Bad night (856) Order T-Shirt
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  (848): View more from New Jersey

  Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.

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  (848): Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired. http://tfl.nu/ghfv
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity

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  (240): Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity http://tfl.nu/y6wz
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  ...yet.

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  (919): Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem. (919): ...yet. http://tfl.nu/0q1s
  Replies (1) Good night (1257) Bad night (345)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.

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  (507): You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success. http://tfl.nu/320u
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...

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  (641): As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long... http://tfl.nu/8iqc
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.

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  (704): CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY. http://tfl.nu/twru
  Replies (6) Good night (880) Bad night (274) Order T-Shirt

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