lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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