Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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