Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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