just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize