so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
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Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
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Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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